. . . Upon a Time.

Days ago I had a revisiting of sorts with the movie "Once." It's about two creative souls, each just a little hard on their luck, trying to make ends meet.  But they see a window of opportunity and they take a chance, pouring themselves into a project with no certain positive outcome. Yes, there is an underlying romantic storyline, but this is actually not the main focus of the film. I truly believe a major theme of the movie is about choice and opportunity. It's about discovering there is "more than this." It's about understanding and accepting your purpose and following your passion(s). And it doesn't have a cheesy "Hollywood ending."

Keep it real, I say.

One of the songs from the film won the Academy Award for Best Song in a Motion Picture. (If that means anything to you. . .) The actors from the film are musicians and they wrote the songs for the movie soundtrack.  In their acceptance speech, one of them stated the song is, in fact, about hope and believing in yourself.

The name of that song is "Falling Slowly." When I heard it, I instantly thought about the Lovers card.


 This, in turn, made me ponder what this card really means to me. The Lovers card, after all, is both my Personality and Soul Card (based on my birth date).

Lovers is not entirely about goo-goo eyes and riding off into the sunset with a handsome "White Knight," carrying a magic satchel filled with swoons and kisses. Like love, itself, it is multidimensional, multi-layered and challenges your perceptions of self. It isn't always about marriage or soul mates or sex. Could it be? Of course, naturally, yes.

So what do I see or think of when I hold this card close? What immediately comes to mind is the cliché catch phrase passed from timeline to timeline, from one social media site to the next: "You cannot love someone else until you love yourself." 

It's old hat, but people regurgitate this mantra because it is incredibly true. You can never count on another life to make you whole. You must first be unified within yourself.

Lovers can also, easily, be about reconciling conflicting values and/or beliefs.  This rings true for me on several levels.  For instance, I was not even sure, anymore, of what I found pleasurable; physically, emotionally, spiritually.  I was walking around admitting this for the past few months and going down paths to discover the answer, but I didn't really understand the magnitude of how unsure I was about my pleasure center(s) until about a little over a week ago.

I dreamt of a man one night. (I've never met him.) We greeted each other on a lovely summer day.  There was no dramatic, running through fields of wild flowers to crash into each other's bodies, but his casual smile conveyed happiness to see me. I was overjoyed.  We gave a hug and as we released from our embrace our arms fell to our sides and we locked palms. We began strolling under shady trees, holding hands. I was undoubtedly overcome with a feeling of bliss, surprised by this powerfully euphoric hypnosis; how much it meant to me, the intertwined fingers; lingering, soft and natural.

I was penetrated and moved by one of the simplest forms of affection. Seriously, nothing ever felt better.  I will not lie. I walked around with a grin and flushed cheeks for several days after that dream. More than a few people asked me if I was dating again.

I'm not. . . like, not at all.

I know to dream of holding hands with another means you long for a connection with someone OR you do not want to lose a recently developed connection. Sounds kind of needy, but it was a nice dream, and I haven't sat parked outside anyone's house in the middle of the night looking in their windows.  So I'll leave it at being a soothing confirmation that I am enjoying newer friendships and encouragement through a like-minded community of spiritual friends.

Nights later I found myself watching "Once." It was the song I mentioned that reminded me of so much that has transpired, especially since I started using Chrysalis.  Some pretty remarkable things have occurred, and I am so grateful.

For example, even the use of the word "once" could be categorized as being incredibly meaningful to me.  When Chrysalis was released, I had a reading done, wherein all the reader had to do was mention a Great Mother deity once and I listened. All he had to do was ask me once, "Why change today?" And I answered "Because I know it has to be better than what I'm doing now. . . "

Just one deck. Just one spread. Just one hour. Just one day. Just one friend. Just once.

And once you take the first step to better choices, once turns into often, often turns into every day. . . every day turns into life. But you must do the work. Sounds very similar to the concept of love:  There is respect and friendship. There is balance in compromise. There is putting someone as your equal, not above or below.
Togetherness, even within one's self.

Lovers is one of the most beautiful cards in any tarot deck. But with Chrysalis, it just unfolds in artful mastery. It truly does enrich your thoughts with a healthy idea of unity.

What else does this card inspire in me? I see yoga. I adore yoga. When I practice yoga, I feel love. I am love. It is quiet. It is personal. It is devoted. It is healthy. It is always stretching outward, reaching further and further -- infinite possibilities. It is meditative and pushes you physically and mentally.  It calls on a focus to merge your body and soul, in and out of one powerful breath after another. When your energy is clear and you feel confident in your purpose and your own skin and believe you are a beautiful soul, you are radiant.  You will attract all the love and light and kindness and wonder that comes running to feel the warmth of your bursting aura.

I'm telling you.  There is no White Knight.  However, this leads me to the topic of another Knight in Chrysalis Tarot;  The ever-so-trustworthy Corsair.

I know. I have written about him before, but he is one of the reasons I have developed such a strong connection to my deck. I have drawn him more than any other card in personal draws and readings.  I fully understand he is not going to ride up on a noble steed and put a rosebud in my hair and tickle my chin. He's going to challenge me and my cherished worldviews, but he's also going to encourage me to shine bright in my true colors and believe, as to attract like-minded comrades and construct my own beloved crew.

And, truth be told, I thought of him upon hearing one of the lyrics of the chorus.
"Take this sinking boat and point it home. We've still got time. Raise your hopeful voice. You have a choice. You make it now."

(Actually, every line in this song, the more I listen to it, resonates on so many levels.  But I will continue.)

It reminds me of the Corsair on his ship with me as The Mime, as she is the Troupe member (court cards) I most identify with in the deck.

In these scenes I make the crew laugh, which is distracting. The Corsair removes my funny headdress and puts me to work alongside the rest. Our daemons snicker and shake their heads at us. But I am a true Page to his Knight; shadowing and learning -- constantly inspired.  He knows me without my makeup. I see him without his eye patch. I don't have to say a word to him. He only need tell me once..."You have a choice. You make it now." Me replying, "Take this sinking boat and point it home. We've still got time. . . "

(See? This deck is great for your imagination, which also stimulates healing exercises of the mind and spirit)

All of these factors in my life -- the music, Chrysalis Tarot, movies, pop culture, my life experiences, my imagination -- all of it lives inside Lovers. Every "witness" in the wedding scene of this card reminds me of the things I just referenced. 

If you have been following this blog, you know I haven't had the best time with love. For the past year of my life, I really have been falling slowly. I was falling into darkness, but now I'm using my imagination for creative endeavors as opposed to envisioning my demise, because I now know what I want.  I want to feel whole. If someone should happen to come along, that's just a bonus.

It's like another line in the song, "You have suffered enough and warred with yourself. It's time that you won."

This was not very fairy tale-like for a Lovers tribute.  No "Hollywood ending." No "White Knight." But it is my truth.  There is magic in truth.  I give myself that gift, as today is my birthday; another year of falling slowly. Only this year I am falling slowly in love with hope and possibility and this glorious thing called life


"Falling Slowly"
I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along